i feel so shi bai. when i see my friends get lousy grades, i don't know how to comfort them. just because i don't value grades doesn't mean they don't... i don't know what to say to them, and i don't dare to, because i'm afraid they'll get offended... i was still so happy when i failed my lit. -_-
i was so troubled the whole night... i felt so useless...
to everyone out there, if you need a hug, i'm always around... i may not be able to say things to comfort you, but i can share your sorrow... :)
maybe i really am not cut out for a counsellor. it's better that way i guess. at least i can find a job which allows me to have a life. *shrugs* i'm crapping alright.
the world is so unfair... i know i have no right to say this but i just feel so...
honestly, if i had a choice, i would rather give the pple who deserve it the marks for my english and settle for a B3... i dun deserve it.
it hurts so much when you do so well, but your friends around you don't do as well, and you can't express your joy, and don't know what to say to them. and the worst is they deserve the a1 more than i do. i started studying for every subject the day before. except jap. i haven't got back all my papers but i think my luck has finished. there's no way i'm gonna get any more a1s. even my fren thinks it's very unfair, that i should get a1. haiz. maybe i should just shut my ass.
i hate exams. not the process, but the result. >.<
i don't know why my mood always has to be spoilt on a friday night. i'm just so tired of this family. if it even can be counted as one. they only care for themselves.
i told them my air con was leaking. all they did was to give me a pail. have they ever thought that i cannot get to sleep with the sound of the dripping water?
they asked me what were my plans for today yesterday. i said i wasn't sure. i thought maybe they would want to go out for dinner or something so i left a note and asked them to contact me when they got home. it turns out that they were more than happy knowing that i was out. so that they could go to the turf club without any worries. gamblers as parents, anyone?
it's so sickening knowing you do not have the freedom to choose which family to be born into. i know i don't have the right to complain since they give me a shelter and provide me with basic necessities. but i just hate this family. my mother makes me hate her. my father is always asking me why i'm hate the family so much and it just pisses me off cuz they don't even know where they went wrong. my sister doesn't talk to me much now that she's overseas, but she'll always ask about the condition at home when we talk. and that's one thing i never want to talk about.
i used to love my mother more than anyone else in the world, but now, she's the first person on my "to kill" list. i think i've been lying to myself. i don't know how many times i had to fight the urge to just hug my mother for no reason. i know it's been hard on her, but i just can't stop myself from flaring up when she just can't stop making things wrong for me.
i've got all the bad traits from my parents, while my sister's got the good ones. i'm lazy, like my father. my sister's more hardworking than anyone else i know in the world, and my mother's kinda like that. i can't control my temper and am unreasonable, like both my parents. my sister knows how to think rationally and talk things out, like my father. the list goes on. i have none of the good characteristics of my parents. i'm actually pitying myself.
dammit. i am supposed to be happy.
thanks michelle. i didn't receive your sms cuz erm yar, it's the wrong number. ^^; ask qiuting for the number again? =p
yeah! i got 86 for jap... (paiseh for being so haolian =p) one A1, 5 more to go, HOPEFULLY... still thinking whether i should mug more for physics or bio for my last A1. maybe i should consider amaths too. LOL. biggest joke of the year.
the week didn't last as long as i had expected. even though i slept at 4.30am on the day of geog paper2 and 5am on the day of chem paper. for other papers, i slept at around 3. LOL.
and friday the thirteenth happens to be my lucky day. lucky's not exactly the word, but my vocabulary is, erm, i don't know how to describe. (get what i mean?)
emaths paper 2 was ok. at least i knew how to do all the questions in the end and i had enough time to check. then, i saw teenage magazine with *5566* for their cover story! :D and then, i saw teens magazine with energy for their cover story! hee. and the trip to moelc was "fruitful".
one more week to go. :)
"nothing is as real as a dream. the world can change around you, but your dream will not. responsibilities need not erase it; duties need not obscure it, because the dream is within you and no one can take it away"
been a long time since i posted any quotes. ^^;
click here! joker layout! JOKER!!! YEAH!!!! ^^;;
am still crazy, and i think i'll stay crazy until 28 november this year. prom night just one day after o level geog paper 1. wtf? so unfair. pple got six more days to celebrate. =( and it's not like i'll be in any mood to study for geog paper *1*. argh. argh. argh.
*points to date* IT'S NICHOLAS TSE'S BIRTHDAY!!!! ^o^ happy 22nd birthday to nicholas tse :)
today's bio practical was easy. EASY. haiz. studied for nothing. ^^; but i think i can only get 30 max. =(
on the other hand, the prelim practicals are OVER!!! :D i think our school is trying to make our prelims easy for us so that we can do well. the principal goes "i'm not putting any pressure on you girls, but i know you can do well. i'm not putting any pressure on you girls. really." -_- she expects 8 distinctions from the triple science students. i expect myself to get 8A1s btw, but i know i will never get it. LOL. i'm crazy. :D
yeahyeahyeah!!! two subjects down!!! only eight more!!! and only one more prac to go!!! (though it's my most dreaded prac) that's what i call looking at the bright side of things. ;)
i think i've been the one giving myself false hope all along... i feel so foolish. if only i can live in a dream. *sigh* or maybe i really was living in a dream all along, and now that i've woke up from it, i feel so [lost]... =(
AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nicholas' new cd is OUT!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!! i love him!!!!!!! ^^;
argh. i'm broke after buying ni ya qu na li vcd. my bank acct is depleting in resources. i_i
it's raining heavily over here right now. i so feel like going out into the garden and just stand there. my parents will think i'm crazy, but not like they'll care, and even if they do, they'll never understand why i do so. i just love walking in the rain. or maybe just being in the rain.
cuz no one would realise that you were crying in the rain.
stumbled upon this site and fell in love with this soccer star. hehz. i have decided to make a layout with him as the theme. after the prelims, that is. ^^;; maybe after the O's. but i felt kinda bo liao and changed the shoutbox bg. comment on it k? i know it's kinda hard to read the words... suggestions for font colours? ^^;
argh. one piece is going to be shown on scv. damn it. i don't have scv. i_i I WANT ONE PIECE! everyone who has scv better watch it man... weekdays 5.30pm, channel 56... think it's going to be in mandarin, which totally sucks... but hey, it's a nice anime... i_i so sad i can't watch it... the worst thing that can happen next is that they decide to air the original version on AXN. >.< but i guess AXN has enough animes to show. hee.
i think i still have a tinge of craziness in me. and Drakula, i'm fine, thank you. :) it always feels better after blogging. guess writing really helps.
i think i'm really beginning to hate everyone around me. all i ever see is their faults. i know it when they're nice to me, but the times when they piss me off leaves a deeper impression.
i guess i just don't like people who:-
1) think they know a lot and act/speak as if they know what i'm thinking about;
2) have troubles which are so trivial but they think that they deserve the whole world's concern;
3) are insensitive;
4) try to get others' attention;
etc.
and guess what? i fit into all the categories. it's precisely because i see myself in them will i hate them. ironic, isn't it? but life is full of ironies, yar?
i really hope i can be stargirl. someone who is real. but then again, i don't even know what is meant by real. and you can't get real living in this world. or can you? *shrugs*
for some reason, i'm beginning to be rather antisocial. maybe it's just that i don't feel the need to reply pple when i have nothing to say. not anymore.
i feel that some people are just so stupid and insensitive. and i really wonder if appearance matters. i would think it does, but only for first impressions. i mean, as people get to see you more than once, and observe you, they wouldn't just care about how you look, yar? that's what i think, at the very least. it's how you carry yourself. let me tell you, you try to get attention but you're failing badly. things would be better if you just be yourself. when you pretend to be someone else, you're only deceiving others as well as yourself. point taken? perhaps this is why i'm starting to be more antisocial than before. you can even call me dao.
i feel so fake. i always tell my friends to tell others how they really feel so that they won't be suffering. but i end up being the one who always keeps what i feel inside me, and leave people wondering why on earth am i treating them like that. anyway, people always end up contradicting themselves, right? it's just like how i want to be a counsellor and help others when i can't even help myself. how i always encourage my friends by saying things i myself never do.
damn it. i can't find ni yao qu na li vcd anywhere.
to drakula: you're welcome... glad that you like the book and are using it... =) but i feel quite paiseh that we haven't given you a proper present yet... hee.
to fbm: (doubt you'll be seeing this but heck) i give you oreo cookies on monday if you want... haiz, i also wish we could go back to what we used to be too... but life has to go on, yeah? well, we must prove to that big fat monster we can do it. she expects us to get at least 8A1s. bleahz. like we can't do it. ^^;;; i'm just worried for my prelims, but i guess i'm ok for the O's, so don't have to worry for me lah. at most i go yjc for the first three months... hehz. as for the orals, i've decided to put it behind me. not like i'm gonna use english for my L1B5 anyway. haha. ne, atashi tachi, isshouni ganbalimashiou! un-darou? =p btw, i got sd tissue for you. ^^;
i know three pple whose birthday is today. so qiao one. and this week is birthday week i tell you. two pple's birthday on monday, drakula's birthday on wednesday, two pple's birthday yesterday, and three today. bah.
i just realised that stars are my life. i really love them. i think i'm weird. *shrugs*
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! my school's number 10!!!!!!!! we were no 8!!!!!!!! (or 7 ^^;;) and we're OUT of the value added category. not even top 20. wow. last year's sec4s rock man i tell you.
my friend came online, then went offline after talking for a teeny little while... wonder if he would have msged me if i didn't, cuz i don't usually msg pple if they don't msg me first...
since we stopped sms-ing each other, i seem to feel a little far... further than before, that is.
i guess that's one of the reasons why i can't seem to get offline? cuz i always think that i'd be out of touch with the pple whom i only keep in touch online... it can be counted as an excuse more than a reason, i suppose... *sigh*
friends come, friends go. then can they even be counted as friends? today during lit lesson, we talked about the fragility of life. perhaps because of that, relationships of all kinds tend to be fragile too. *shrugs*
forgot to say something. school rankings are out. my school's out of the top ten value added category. T.T wonder whether we're out of top ten. my principal's gonna breathe down our necks. no wonder she's giving us so much pressure. no wonder my teachers' giving me so much pressure. -_- wonder how many times i have to tell them "i will study... :)" still have to smile at them somemore. bah.
today is really a crazy day for me. wonder how many times i've said i'm crazy. but the truth is, i am. don't know if it's stress or what. lol. but i love today. it's the chinese valentines' day, btw. hee.
:D smiling really helps to destress.
i'm a happy girl i'm a happy girl i'm a happy girl now... :D
the day's ending and i'm thinking what i should do next... ^^; i'm crazy. seriously out of my mind.
and everyone should go read stargirl by jerry spinelli. =)
Day 1's topic was okok. Day 2's topic was easy. Day 3's topic (my topic) was damn hard (to me, at the very least). and Day 4's topic (today's topic) was damn easy. WTF?
physics practical prelims next friday. jap oral prelims next saturday. crap. yes, i haven't studied yet. and if i were to screw up my jap oral like i did for my english oral, i swear i'm going to jump from the balcony. i will not die, but who cares anyway. i can feel that my japanese is getting from bad to worse. and i don't know how to study for it. i've always been so over-confident of myself that i can't be bothered to listen in class.
i feel so shi bai today. i can't get anything done well. not even the simplest things. why can't i just be invisible?
anyway, we took our height and weight today. i grew taller by 1cm. :) and although i didn't manage to lose weight, i didn't gain weight either! :D must do more sit-ups.
if anyone can do anything to motivate me to study, i'll be willing to do anything for her / him. i think i'm really prepared to fail my prelims. and the Os. and remain a failure for the rest of my life.
haven't added a quote for days... ^^;
View >> Encoding >> Japanese (Shift-JIS)
空には星がキラキラ輝くため、存在する闇。
--> darkness exists so that the stars can shine brightly in the sky. (pardon my direct translation).
#hugs fbm# i love you! :)
watched insomnia today(or yesterday, rather ^^;)... my first NC-16 movie. and i'm not yet sixteen. ^^; but i don't see the difference anyway. [shrugs]
had a great time today... wasn't left out as i thought i would be... :)
well, i actually went to buy a geog tys with model answers with my popular voucher i got as some prize... can't believe it. haha. but i guess my geog needs serious help... cuz i'm a goner at lit and SS and i can only depend on geog or my L1R5's gonna be damn high... >.< currently, i just hope i can get A1s for geog, HCL, emaths, jap, chem and physics to make my L1R5 add up to 6... but that's gonna need a lot of work. argh. haha. feel so slack. and i can't afford to do badly in other subjects or i still can't get into the jc i want to cuz there'll be thousands of geniuses out there getting 6 for their L1R5... and they most prolly will get 4 bonus points for miscellanous stuffs... ARH!!!!!!!!!!! this can really make me go crazy. ^^;
today is a bad day. because i was pissed at my friend and made it rather obvious and she gave me that look for the whole day. because i studied until 3am for bio test and they said there isn't any bio test. and it's the first time i studied for a bio test this yr. ^^;
today is a wonderful day. because i didn't have to stay back in school and reached home at 2.15pm. never been earlier. because there isn't any test tomorrow, neither is there homework due tomorrow. whee. time to do all my outdated homework and SLEEP. :D
"the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches"
nearly forgot to add a quote for the day. ^^;
"happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives"
"relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hands. held loosely with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. when you squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. some may stay in your hand, but most are spilled away"