i opened the card. did it when i received the letter cuz i was sad. and i cried. i know i'm not supposed to, but i did... it was happy tears alright. i really wonder how you know i'd shed happy tears.
you said it's still early to think of the O's, but you hafta think: i'm not like you. i have tons of revision work to do. i slacked all my hols away.
the only subject i can count on now is japanese. it's the only A1 i've got so far out of all the tests i've taken. and the good thing is, MOE decided to be nice and let me take 10 subjects. seriously, i didn't know whether to be happy or sad. it's going to take everything out of me. i really have to work hard, but i know i most probably won't do so. and i keep telling my partner (we both are the only pple taking 10 subj) that we must top the sch. HAHA. big joke. she can do it, but ME??? argh.
i've lost all confidence in myself. i can't score in the subjects i used to be good at. i can't score in the subjects i like. i can't do anything well.
i really admire you a lot. i used to think i was better than you. even when you started to be one of those high-flyers, i still thought that i WOULD be better than you. but what i didn't realise was that i had to work hard for it.
i hate it when i'm being compared with you. i WANT to be like you, yes, but don't they know that by comparing us, it'll only make things worse? i really don't know why we have to be compared with each other. although they seldom mention you now when it comes to grades, but i know that they still want me to be like you. they're disappointed in me. but i don't want to work hard for them. i want to work hard for myself, but i can't find the thing in me to get me going.
they think that by saying things to spite me, they can make me work hard to prove them wrong. but they are already wrong. the more they spite me, the more i don't want to work hard. when i do well in something, they don't even say something nice. they take it that it is only right that i HAVE to do well. yar, duh that's true, but at least say something nice yar? now, i don't show them any of my test papers.
they're getting so damn irritating. i'd be nice if they don't ask any questions. dumb questions with obvious answers. it'd be nice in one whole day, i can have totally no interaction with them. i'm trying to make myself less reliant on them. i'm indeed trying to fly away. they can just take it that they never gave birth to me. i bet you they regret giving birth to me. and yet they don't allow me to hate them for bringing me into this world.
everytime my friends talk about family and stuffs like that, i feel like crying. i really don't want to be in this family. i've always been envious two of my good friends. they're dependent on their parents. at least they know they need their parents. esp. my partner. she's so close to her parents. or it seems so from what i hear from her. do you think i really want to hate my parents? they MADE me hate them. YES.
i'm being very evil here, but i'll never regret what i said in this entry. it's all my true feelings. [hugz] i love you. you may start to hate me after reading this entry, but i don't care. i still love you. :)
i think now, i truly understand what it means that when you have high hopes of yourself, you tend to disappoint yourself more...
when i got back my amaths test paper today, i wasn't thinking of how much i should get or sorts, but i didn't expect myself to get so low. i really love maths. even though i'm starting to do badly for amaths, i still love it. i don't know what's wrong. i don't seem to understand what the teacher is talking about, and i'm just unable to see things clearly. and i was super insensitive. i was like shouting at my friends.
then, it was long jump. i thought, at least i could get into the finals. but i did even worse than last year. much worse, i would say.
the only consoling thing is, when i got home, i received my sister's letter. and she gave me two cute keychains. i cried. i really miss her. there's like so much i wanna tell her, but it's impossible to say everything out. and i nearly cried in class today cuz my teacher said try not to have any programmes during the june hols. ok, i know that the june hols will be like fully packed, but i really want to spend time with my sister...
i thought i was very selfish today. i looked at the people around me and thought: everyone in the world is selfish. EVERYONE. then i reflected upon myself and i really hate myself. try as i might to love myself, i don't think i can keep on deceiving myself. i really hate myself.
darn. he added me on his MSN list. it meant he was online some time or another. damn.
i wonder where you are... my guess is, you've already disappeared into the books of history. i want you back here right now. you were still here with me 2 years ago. maybe i've lived with the fact that you're gone, but i realised that i can't live without you.
maybe you are my motivation. only by getting you back will i start work. it's not too late. YET. but i don't know when i'll get you back. i've been searching for you since you went missing last year. since i failed my geography. or maybe, it was since i failed my literature 2 years back. i've been failing all these while. i need you.
my life is so screwed up. i wonder how i can still smile. "a smile makes you look good on the outside, and feel good inside" what a great joke. but the good thing is, i haven't lost my smile. there're still traces of you within me.
//as tears roll down my cheek, i start to think. maybe you are already back. it's just that i haven't accepted the fact yet.//
damn, i really love this song. and knowing that it is the brainchild of nicholas tse and stephen doesn't help at all.
i really love this song and i've been listening to it over and over again... let me die by nicholas tse. click here for the lyrics. ^_^
it's funny when i changed my msn nick to "let me die", and people come asking me what's wrong... haha. until one fren asked me if it's nicholas' song, and i got all hyped up... wahahaha. then now, my nick is changed to "without me", another song by nicholas tse too, 'cause my friend said that "let me die" was scary.. wahahaha. i'm crazee.
my sister, for some reason, decided to bombard my guestbookie. [shrugs] is it a way to relieve stress?? ^^;;
it's his birthday today... [hums 'happy birthday'] wish him all the best ^_^
it's friday, and all i've done is my japanese homework. i simply love my life. ^_^
just suddenly thought i was a bad kid... so i asked one of my friends what he thought my bad points were, and he actually said that i'm too nice... haiz... after quite some time, then he said i'm naive and childlike...
anyone of you who think you know me to a certain extent, can you please tell me all the bad points i have? no need to be afraid of offending me... i think i really need to know... if you think you can come up with an essay, then go ahead... [points to the word "bubble" below] click there and add a comment k? or sign my guestbookie also can... thanx... haiz...
talked to my fren about him, and she was real nice... i guess, it's because i have frens like her, who are always there when i need them, that i feel the world still have warmth, and want to be a social worker / counsellor... a bit like "hui kui she hui". ^^;
haiz, was still thinking of sleeping early for the hols to repair my biological clock... and it's the second day of the hols, but i haven't done any homework... crap...
btw, i love chocolate. ^_~
went for some talk on social work yesterday afternoon, and i think i really wanna be a social worker in future... i really wonder why but i just like to make people feel better when they are upset, and when i succeed, i really feel happy...
when asked how many social workers it takes to change a light bulb, a social worker would reply "none", because they've learnt how to cope with the dark.
got the comments thingy from germaine's blog. not that i got it there, but know about it cuz i saw it on her page. ^^; do say something there if you've got time to spare, yar? thanks. ^_^
yep, it's finally up... if you have time to spare, comment on it k? thinking of getting a comments thingy for my blog but too lazy to go find one and configure how to use it... :P
dreams are just like bubbles. you can be the one who bursts them, that's when your dreams are realised;
but when it's burst at a time you don't want it to, that's when your dreams never get to be realised.
was a pharse / expression i thought up of when i was at a BBQ blowing bubbles with
kae and two cute little girls.
it was also then when kae thought that both of us should be fbms(fellow bubble makers)
0 girl in a few words 0
(maybe not so few words after all)
reserved if i don't know you well, crazy and talkative if i do. i think i'm one who only talk about what's deep
down inside me to friends really close to me.
quite a lot of people tell me when they first see me, they think i'm a quiet girl. [grinz]
when i'm thinking about stuffs which concern my feelings, i get very short-tempered and flare up easily.
i. cry and get pissed easily.
why you wouldn't want to know me and be my friend
i'm insensitive. i'm bossy. i slack A LOT. i'm helplessly pessimistic. i'll be nasty to you for no reason. et cetera.
why you would want to be my friend
you can't differentiate between good and bad. or you're simply out of your mind. :?
