b e t s u n i v.7 [combination]

v.1 [betsuni] / v.5 [nandemonai]
when you don't have anything, there's nothing for you to lose. i wish i were a simple little girl who has nothing at all...

v.2 [s o a r]
dreams are just like bubbles. you have to constantly keep them in your mind and not let the wind blow them away. but then again, you don't want to grab them so tightly that you burst them...

v.3 [sparkle] / v.4 [darkness]
all is dark, and you reach out, hoping to find your guarding star, but you lose your balance and fall instead, without anyone coming over to help you up...

v.6 [kira kira kagayaku | shine]
doesn't it feel good to see the smile of the person you like? but when you realise that you're not the one s/he's smiling at, it just seems as if her/his smile doesn't mean a thing...

v.7 [combination of thoughts]
hope can be such a wonderful thing, but then again, it can be such a cruel thing...
love... just what exactly is it?

thursday | 07 03 2002 | - |

yippee, atlie's got a new blog... click here! ^_^ good to see you back, and happy for you that your exam's over, atlie... and it's the sch hols here! yes! lol [mumbles] i must get my layout done, must get it up... >_< nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 10:16 p.m.

friday finally | 01 03 2002 | suppression |

i'm trying my best not to cry... there are currently 2 things that make me wanna cry, but i think that crying for any of those two things is definitely not worthwhile... i just don't understand why i keep thinking about such things and i just don't know exactly how to stop thinking about them. permanantly. (<-- sp error?) but i still treasure all my lovely little memories... =) i'm slacking and working on my layout. but i don't think i'll ever get it done. nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 11:11 p.m.

thursday | 28 02 2002 | crap |

>_< today's 100m heats was a total flop for me. it rained just before my heats, and the track was wet so i was rather scared to run... >_< the worst thing: i didn't feel tired AT ALL after it. darn. i hate myself. just in case you're wondering, no, i'm not THAT good a runner. hee. think i'm just adding an entry for the sake of doing so since i haven't done so for eons. haiz. new layout arhz... postponed till God knows when. [shrugs] nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 09:44 p.m.

sunday | 24 02 2002 | loneliness |

as always... i'm alone at home again... it's times like this i really miss my sister... i like being at home alone, because the presence of my parents makes not much of a difference, but at least, it won't make me feel lonely... (pardon my phrasing) felt really nice yesterday, 'cause 5 of my friends came to my house... it's been 3 years since any of my friends came to my house. though we were supposed to do this assignment and ended up doing practically nothing, it was great fun... and it was the first time i had company of friends when i walked from the bus-stop to my doorstep. ^_^ 1 test on thurs, tons of deadlines on thurs, 100m heats on thurs (and my muscles still hurt dammit)... what's it with the end of the month?!?! made a rather weird but really nice and sweet dream last night... maybe i should sleep early every saturday night from now on to have dreams like that... lol. slept at 10:30 last night which was like O_o to me... hee. i love shi jie mo ri by jay chou. the SBDW version (original version) sucks. :Þ nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 01:51 p.m.

chu qi [ren ri] | 18 02 2002 | happy birthday...? |

felt a little "generous" today, so i gave 10 lollipops to my frens and said "happy birthday" to them. ^^;; and our class had yu sheng! i think i was the one who didn't eat though... don't know why, but i just don't like it, i guess. =Þ jap today was... rather fun i guess. ^_^ i think as from today's lesson, there would be something to feel happy / paiseh about every lesson? lol. shikashi, it seems like everytime i look at someone, i just start to think... waratte yo. ^_^ nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 11:36 p.m.

Saturday, February 16, 2002 | helpless... |

i feel like such a lousy friend... i can't help, not the least, when i see my friend so depressed... i've never seen him so down before... the time when he didn't get into the debate team was the first time, but he got over it very fast... i dunno... i gave up... i dunno what to say... and it just seems as if everything i say would make him feel worse... i always tell my friends that i'll be there when they need me, but in the end, i never do anything for them... i'm just so useless. nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 11:40 p.m.

saturday | 16 02 2002 | just a quote |

once you have loved, you will always love, for what's in your mind may escape, but what's in your heart will remain forever... nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 10:55 p.m.

friday finally | 15 02 2002 | whee |

my sis signed my guestbook! think i better keep to simple layouts because her stinky laptop with a stinky browser can't view stuffs meant for newer browsers... oh whatever. ^_^ lotsa homework this week... three tests, if not more, in the coming week... hope i can sleep early tomorrow (gonna watch super sunday tonight ^_^), i really need my sleep... argh. speaking of super sunday... tonight's one is the best! lol. haven't watched yet... but got nicholas tse and edison chan! yeah! hehz... think i'm sorta over it. yeah. i love myself! hee. well... concentrate on studies, try to clear your mind of all other thoughts... [winks] nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 11:05 p.m.

wednesday | 13 02 2002 | sad...? |

sad? definitely. i don't know... i'm very confused, VERY... i have such a messed up life... sheesh... untouched homework, or rather, don't even know what homework i have... gonna be a loooooong night once again... haiz... anyway... that's not why i'm sad... that should be more of disappointed... haiz... so happy when i saw him online, then... i don't know... felt kinda dejected when he said he was busy... and he left without saying anything... yar... guess he really is busy lah... he was so sweet again today... he said i could call him if i had any problems... dunno lah. hee. if i get stuck to the computer again... i think i'm gonna die... but yeah, got a phone call from my partner and she told me good news... lol. happy advanced v-day to all... got gf/bf no gf/bf also never mind... just enjoy yourselves while i slog myself to day at school... argh. nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 08:56 p.m.

cny day 2 | 13 02 2002 | thoughts |

i'm not worth it all. he was so caring. darn. i wished i was on trillian. then it all would have been saved. i dunno. why do they seem so concerned? only make me feel guilty, make me feel as if my existance in this world will only make people worry for me. i don't know what crap i'm talking about anyway. the more i think, the more i wanna die. i don't know why. think here think there, everything i think about makes me sad. i think i'm sosososososo foolish. heck. i really love all my friends... i swear that one day... i'll do all i can for them... i wonder... what would happen if i lost them one day... any of them... my sister called today, but i didn't talk to her cuz i wasn't in the mood to... and i wished she was right beside me now... i need someone to talk to, i need someone to hug... i guess, we really only know how to treasure something, someone, after we've lost them... but i'm glad i haven't 'lost' my sister. i'm glad that i have a sister. ^_^ nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 01:04 a.m.

cheena new year eve | 11 02 2002 | oneechan ga inai... |

first reunion dinner without my sister... i guess i miss her a lot... that's just so so so much i wanna tell her... there's something wrong with my aim so i can't get online there, telephone conversation can't say much, and she can't read my blog... i_i [hugz] love ya. ^_^ i love her, her, her, her, her, her, her, him and him too. [hugs all] played mahjong at daniel's house today... very fun! hee. saw him... well, it's been quite some time... it's nice seeing friends you haven't seen in a while. ^_^ guess it'd be better if i can get to see him? [shrugs] that'll be in eons i think. =Þ didn't know he was afraid of dogs too. wahahahaha. but at least he dared to touch it... i didn't even dare to get near it. such a huge dog, only 5mths old? ^^;; went out with group of friends and bought some presents... angel and mortal game in class for v-day. trying to bond the class together i guess. sometimes, i think my class sucks. break up into diff cliques, hateful people here and there... and i hope my angel is a nice person. if it's her or her, i think i can dream of getting anything nice. maybe i won't even get anything. oh bother. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!! gong hei fatt choy!!! ^_~ nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 07:30 p.m.

sunday | 10 02 2002 | i_i |

he came online again... for like what, 27 seconds? ^^;; i have no idea... why do i still keep thinking of him... isn't everything supposed to be like, ok? sheesh... i feel so tired of life all of a sudden... i feel like giving up on so many things, but i just can't get my hands off them... i actually felt sick of the comp this afternoon... dunno if it's a good or bad thing... [sigh] whatever... nearly forgot for a moment that there's still school tomorrow... don't feel like going but can't do a thing... too bad i'm not one of those who like to pontang... lol. [i wish that i can bring a smile to everyone's face, and most importantly... make myself smile no matter what] nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 10:53p.m.

sunday | 10 02 2002 | new layout, yep |

took around two hours to do it... second more 'cheerful' layout after [s o a r]... thought of it for a very long time, finally did it... what i won't say... ^^;; but i guess i relieved myself of a big rock... 'fang xia le xin zhong yi kuai da shi"... ^_^ nin-chan had a combination of thoughts at 08:16 p.m.